| This is a appropriate time for me to write this chapter. I can give you real life
experience on this. I am here doing this right now. It has been several months since she left me and I am still feeling the loneliness from her being gone. If you are reading this and have experienced this you will be able to relate. If you are current going through it, you have my sincere sympathy. I want to first to tell you , you are not better off. Everyone tells me that all the time. You would be better off having
the person you love back with you and them loving you as much as you love them.
Chances are that is not going to happen. So we must just go on. It is easy to see why a lot of suicides are commented during this time. I am not suicidal, by nature
but right now my life seems empty from time to time. I fill it the best way I can with friends and my kids and family. It is nice to have them, but it is not the same. When she first left me I completely stopped eating, I didn't eat anything for 1-1/2 weeks. After that I got to eating about once every 2-3 days then finally I got to the point of eating every day. I lost 45 pounds in 3 months. Luckily I needed to loose a little anyway. All these people that are looking for diet plans are really missing out.
Just get your heart broke, that will do it. I am still going through the depression of loosing her. In reading the first part of this book will be shocked by that statement, because I say all the time in my book. Once you tell yourself your in a good mood all the time you will be. Well the same is true about depression. I am allowing my self this depression. I worked hard for it and I plan to enjoy it !!!! Any time I wish to be depressed I allow myself to be. I know what you are thinking, Martin, I think you have gone over the edge. No, not really, and here is why. After something like
this happens to a person the worst thing you can do to yourself is to deign
that it hasn't effected you. I am allowing myself this depression to help heal me. I have seen where people will hold it in and it eats at them until they become bitter and cold people or even commit suicide. By me allowing my depression I can think about the feelings I am having and why I feel that way.
I have looked for thousands of reason to blame myself for her leaving me. I came up with a few, but then I realized that they are not real. She left me because she really didn't love me. Could
I have done more to make her love me more, maybe, but most likely not. I am a very affectionate and loving person. I spent everyday letting my ex-girlfriend know that I loved her with all my heart. It wasn't enough. Right now beyond causal dating of female friends, I don't really date. I am still
trying to heal and will not make a good mate to anyone until I do. I will be overly jealous, and insecure about our relationship until I do. When she first left me I cried every night that the girl I loved was in bed with someone else. I could not drop this thought from my mind, I still am bothered by it. Even after these several months, I get nights where I just lock myself in my house and spend all evening thinking about her and him.
I did this to make myself deal the what is real and find a comfort zone By allowing myself to feel all of this is part of the healing, I do not want to
suppress it. I want to feel it then deal with it. In the process of healing you will
go through 3 stages: You must let it, or you could never heal from it. |