| I thought I would devote the second chapter of this book explaining what love really is. Ok I know what you are thinking, Martin what makes you such
an expert on love, your girl friend left you for another guy. Well for
the respond to
that question, I must use an old saying that applies. It takes two to Tango.
The one you are with has to love you as much as you love them or it will not work. See in this modern world we get taught from a early age to look out for number one. You really can't survive in this world if you don't look out for yourself. If evevryone else is looking out for themselves, then you will be swallowed up by everyone else. This statement is a hard reality about life in the modern world.
Back in the past we spent more time looking out for our neighbors and others that live around us. Times were harder and sometimes just putting food on the table was hard for most families. So if you had a good harvest, you gave a little to the guy next door, and he did the same for you when times were better for him. Now in the modern world where we are looking out for number one, we have all these people that are getting swallowed up by everyone else's greediness and that is why you have homeless and poverty. This is were love come in. When you are able to put aside the needs of yourself, to put someone before yourself.
The best example of this I can find is my shoe theory. If you are a parent and you have $ 30.00 left to your name and you and your child need new shoes. Who get the new shoes, your child does. Why, because their needs are more important than yours. You could just as easy said to yourself, well all they do is play in them and go to school, I am out working all day in these holely shoes and need to get me a pair, they can wait. But, as parents we don't do things like that, we will live with the holes in our shoes, and buy them for the child, even if the child's shoes are less damaged than yours. This is love. Once the child has the new shoes then we will think about ourselves the next pay check and get ours.
You should have the same
kind of love for you mate. If you are with someone you really love, your needs
come second to theirs. Do you know why ? Because their needs come second
to you. This is what love is, putting a persons needs and wants before yourself.
It has nothing to do with sex, kissing, hugs and other form of what people think
love really is. Not that these things aren't important, they are part of showing the person you love that you love them. But they are all just a part of love, not
love itself. If you are the kind of person that comes home from work gives you
mate a kiss and goes into the living room and plop in front of the tube for the
rest of the evening then you are not really showing the love for your mate.
If you are with someone and are not doing this you should. But, be careful at first you might throw her/him for a loop. They are use to you not spending time with them and reject it at first. If they do tell them what you are doing and that you love them and want to. I have seen so many times a couple together that he says I have try talking with her and she won't with me, and turn around and find that the girl is saying the same thing. This type of relationship is common, it usually comes from bad timing. If your mate comes to you in the middle of a movie and wants to talk, or you go to her in the while she is busy doing things and want to talk, she will say she is right in the middle of this and will not really want to talk. Well that is were setting a pattern of visiting is necessary. When you set the time to the side every night, it will not build up. Use this time you have set aside, to talk about everything don't hold back. That is were most marriages fail is lack of communication. You should be able to tell your mate anything. If you have something you can't tell her/him then you must likely should not be doing it in the first place. Trust me, if you don't talk to your mate and you start spending time with them you can most likely expect an avalanche at first. They will spend the first couple times quiet, because they are not use to this. Then you will get years of build up problems that you have not been facing about each other. Then you will go to the place where you can talk without bitching and become closer.